Christmas week

We had a wonderful Christmas. The four of us just enjoyed each other and then relaxing doing our own things. It was peaceful. Our Jehovah Jireh (Provider) really was felt in our home this Christmas. He showed us in His gentle and loving way how He can and will provide.

Wednesday the 26th insurance still had not approved the Chemo, so I only did Herceptin. The doctor was happy with the rise in my iron level, due to taking the iron supplement.

My surgery for the Port came off without a hitch. There were some funny terms used while I was waiting to be operated on; the nurses said "Good Luck" (kind of like crossing your fingers) and the doctor stated he would "Tunnel under the skin". I was really looking forward to the 'procedure' after hearing these things. The Anesthesiologist was very nice, but he had some trouble getting my I.V. started. He had to stick me 6 times before he got a good vein. We are all glad I am getting this Port in. The pain will wear off in a couple of days. I can take the bandages off on Monday. (and take a shower-so if you smell me before then you'll know why) ha ha.

Neal found a muffler shop that would install the catalytic converter for a reasonable price. So he got that done with the hope that it will be enough to pass smog. The van can hobble along for a few more months till things settle down.

I received a call today the 28th from the Oncologist office letting me know that the insurance had approved the new Chemo and that I will be receiving that on Wed. Jan 2nd. Thank the Lord for He is faithful!!

And Yes! it is still OK to do a Colonoscopy the very next day after Chemo. (that's because 'they' are not doing it) What fun!!

Hair today gone tomorrow

When my hair started to fall out, it felt like when your hair has been in a ponytail too long and it is sore. Then parts felt like I had sunburned my scalp. At first it came out slowly then it just came out in clumps. My very sweet hair stylist cut my hair to this cute style on the 20th. I was having an emotional day about the hair lose and the mess it was making. I liked the cut, and who knows maybe I'll have it like this someday when it grows back. I was praying the hair would hang on thru. Christmas day. You know... so the Christmas morning pictures wouldn't look hideous.The Lord blessed me and let it hang on thru. Christmas day. Then on the day after Christmas I had to take a shower and it REALLY came out.

Thursday the 27th I had the Port put in and my hair was very patchy and sore.

So that eve. I had Neal shave the scraggly patches off.

Here is the wig I borrowed, it doesn't quite fit. I'm will still working on some different ideas to cover the Kojak look.

Delay Chemo

My day started off with this devotional message (paraphrased):

~ It was into the real world that Christ came, into the city where there was no room for Him, and into a country where Herod, the murderer of innocents, was king. (Luke 2:25-35)
~ "He comes to us, not to shield us from the harshness of the world but to give us the courage and strength to bear it; nor to snatch us away by some miracle from the conflict of life, but to give us peace - His peace - in our hearts, by which we may be calmly steadfast while the conflict rages, and be able to bring to the torn world the healing that is peace."

Christ did not come to shield us from the grief and pain of life;

But those who have His peace inside can thrive within the strife.

~

Thankfully no dogs got hit today. The doctor told me my iron count went down even farther and firmly suggested I take my iron supplements or he would need to either do iron I.V. or do a blood transfusion if it gets much worse. Then Chemo did not go well...I had an adverse allergic reaction to the Chemo, Taxotere. I couldn't breath, I got very hot (my face reflected how hot I was) and there was a fogginess in my eyes. My friend rushed over and got a nurse. They immediately stopped the Chemo and flushed out the line with saline, meanwhile bringing over the oxygen tank, but I didn't need it. As quickly as the reaction came on it also left. (thankfully) ....So they could not continue with Chemo today....

~

So now it gets complicated!! I could take a Chemo called, Taxol, the allergic reaction to it is Anaphylactic Shock. Since I had a reaction to the Taxotere (and they are in the same family of drugs) I could have this reaction but no guarantee!?! Attempting to prevent this reaction I would need to take 40 mg of Decodron a day. The first round of Chemo I had to take 16 mg of Decodron and I had adverse reactions to that, so they reduced my dosage to only 2 mg for this round. There is no way of knowing how I would react to that much Decadron.

.....OR.....

Chemo choice number 2 is a new drug (the Doctor didn't tell me the name) This Chemo they have been testing on Metastatic Cancer Patients. Which means it is very powerful (not really what I need). It has not been studied on patients in my situation, so that leads to uncertainty about results. The other challenge is insurance only likes to cover things that are absolutely studied and required. This drug is new and therefore expensive another reason insurance will not want to cover it. The good thing about this one is I wouldn't have to take Decadron. We have 2 days to get all this worked out so that I can have Chemo on the 26th.

~

Meanwhile.... Neal had my van today to get it smogged for renewal. It did not pass smog. The technician stated that it need more work than the vehicle was worth and to just drive it to a lot and trade it in. A friend mentioned the DMV will purchase a "Gross Polluter" then you can do what you want about getting another vehicle...Add this to our schedule.

~

Getting back to the devotional; I thought God was so gentle to prepare me for this day with His peace!!

Not that it makes this any less difficult, but I know when my faith is getting stretched, I am learning to be calmly steadfast in His peace. Through each experience I am reminded to rest in His provision and love for us.

~

-Please pray that His hand would be in all of this.

-Please pray for clear direction and choices.

-Please pray that our emotions rest in His Peace.

~

P.S. -A side plus in all this is I will NOT be sick for Christmas !! YEAH !!

What's ahead

It appears I have little veins and they are not handling all the sticks. I need to get a 'Port' put in to make this easier on everyone. A port is a small device with a hollow space inside that is sealed by a soft top. The port is connected to a small flexible tube called a catheter. A special needle is put in the soft top of the port so that medications and fluids can be given and blood samples withdrawn. In a short procedure, the port is implanted, which means it is placed completely beneath your skin, and the catheter is inserted inside a blood vessel. Ports are usually implanted on the upper chest. So I need to meet with the surgeon, have a pre-op visit at the hospital and then the procedure on the 27th.


I have my next Chemo on the 19th and hopefully the tweaking of the med's will cease all reactions.

Next on the agenda I need to have a Colonoscopy and Upper GI Endoscopy scheduled for the 3rd of January. I have already met with the Doc and the question they are looking to answer with these procedures is why my blood count shows I am loosing blood somewhere somehow. Before the procedure you have all this fun stuff to drink and a list of things you are NOT to eat or drink.

In the middle of all this I am able to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior with my family. To watch their faces, see the beautiful sights everywhere, enjoy the sounds of laughter, music and feel the love we all share will definitely refresh my soul.

"I bring you good news of a great joy which shall be for ALL the people; for today in the city of David there has been born unto you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord...

Glory to God in the Highest"

Luke 2:10-14 (paraphrased)

Reactions

Sorry it has taken me sooo long to blog we have a time of it. First I had some reactions to the medicine that you take in conjunction with Chemo.
-a red flush from my cheeks down my stomach/ hot to the touch
-shakes
-heartburn
-tingling and tightness across chest
-sleeplessness
Then we had some possible reactions to the shot they give to bring your white blood cell count back up or they say could've been possible reactions to Chemo.
-Ulceration (lump in my throat) in my throat.
-inflamed burning around my rear
-trouble breathing
Then the nausea got out of control and I wasn't able to keep any thing down.
They gave me med's orally and I.V. to stop the nausea, to no avail. They needed to rehydrate me and wanted me to go to the hospital till they could get things under control. I refused so they ordered some suppositories and 2 other drugs. I was to take these every 6 hours. After about 24-30 hours. I could get some things down that would stay. after 48 hours I was feeling much better and stopped the medicine. YEAH!!!!!!!

They say next go around (Dec. 19th) they are adjusting the med's to hopefully compensate for all this.

Everything has a metallic taste to it, but it goes down and stays. So I am grateful for this. I am also thankful, as of yet, my hair is still in place.

Sasha our dog is recovering without a hitch, back to her old self.

God is so good. He provided His servants throughout all this just when and where we needed them.

1st Chemo -Nov 30th

Where to begin...Neal as always, being a gentleman opened the gate to our driveway for the generous ladies who where able to help with today's events. It seemed as though everyone arrived at the same time.

Someone mentioned that our dog Sasha had a hurt foot and was bleeding. Then the children came in all commenting on the same thing. So while trying to get kids, paperwork and final details together I needed to find out what was going on with the dog. As soon as I came near her I could tell she was traumatized by something. I called the vet explained the situation of where I needed to be and would it be OK to have a friend drop her off and keep in contact with us by phone. They agreed that would be fine. Praise the Lord my friend was willing and had a dog crate in the back of her vehicle (what are the chances) and was going by that way. I went to Chemo, kids went with friends, dog to the vet. Whew!!

Chemo started with Herceptin (slowly) it was cold but thankfully no other reactions. Then they did a medicine flush....

Meanwhile we got a call from the vet... the dog had definitely been hit by a car. She had a punctured lung, 3 broken ribs, 3 broken or missing teeth, kidney damage, road rash under her neck and leg, and her lung was gassing out into her body and if they couldn't get it under control the pressure could cause the lung to collapse. They couldn't get her liver score it was off the chart. She would need to go to the Loomis Basin Vet Clinic for the night if not for longer....

The next drug for me was the Taxotere. Which is the one you need to soak your fingers in ice so that you hopefully don't loose your fingernails. Then another lady there told me to eat ice chips or popsicles because she had bad mouth sores from this drug also... Praise the Lord still no allergic reactions.

There was a delay between the next drug due to air in the line. So this set us back in time. Meanwhile the doctor came back to talk to me about the Iron blood work. Stated he still didn't like what he is seeing and would like me to go take a colonoscopie (sp?) Worst case scenario we could be looking at colon cancer.... The last drug for the day was the Carboplatyn. Everything went well with this one also. Thank you Lord. My friend endured all this with me and even went and got us lunch, but now we were late in timing for her to pick up her children and deal with the dog....

So I called a neighbor to see if she could be available to get the dog crate from our house meet me at the Vet and bring the dog and me home...

She was!! We couldn't lift the dog out of the crate till Neal got home. So she dropped me and her vehicle off at our house. Neal arrived within about an hour (traffic) He moved the dog and crate over to our van and drove her vehicle up to her. She went to turn her vehicle around and ran over the water spigot and broke her water main.... So with the kids not yet back and Neal needing to help our neighbor with the water situation, I took the dog to the Loomis Basin Vet.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET !?!

Neal buttoned up the main for the eve. the kids got home and had a wonderful dinner and I returned home safely. All in all it was an eventful day.

Redue blood work

Upon arriving home from an expansion on the 26th I received a call from Dr. Campbell at 7:20 pm to state that he didn't like the blood work from the Kidney and Iron. He would like me to re due these blood tests Tuesday so he can have the results by Wednesday to confirm whether to begin Chemo on Friday. The Kidney showed it was under stress and the Iron showed I was loosing blood. Worse case scenario we were looking at some sort of cancer causing stress on the Kidney, best case I was just still recovering from the surgery. I put in a few calls for prayer...

I went in Tuesday and Wednesday during Co-op the nurse called to state that the Kidney results were improved and that I needed to begin an Iron supplement of Iron Sulfate 325 mg per day. We were a go for Chemo on Friday.

Thank you for all your prayers.

Thanksgiving

Neal's parents came over the hill Wednesday afternoon and brought plenty of food. They live in Fallon, NV. and are 80 yrs old. So we worry when they travel. On Thursday before we had dinner the kids, Neal and his Dad went over and played flag football with some other families. Some slight injuries but that didn't out weigh the fun. Neal and his mom cooked everything. The big glitch in the day was that Dorothy got sick, something upset her stomach from breakfast and she was throwing up most of the day so she didn't eat any of the Thanksgiving dinner. We played games and visited, it was a wonderful time.




Friday Dorothy and I went to the local fairgrounds for the craft fare. She still wasn't feeling the best. I had fun looking at all the booths. I got lots of ideas but only made a small purchase. She needed to get back and my energy wasn't at it's top.


Neal's parents had to leave Saturday morn. to head on up to Klammath Falls, Oregon to see some more of the family. Cameron wasn't quite himself which was explained later that day at about 5 pm he began throwing up till about 5 am, then at 9 am he started a low grade fever. That was gone by 2 pm. Neal took him to the pet store later that Sunday. Cameron had been saving his money since summer to purchase a Bearded Dragon.

He is named Spark

(from Spartacus)

Expansions

Well since my last entry I have had 3 expansions. (14th, 19th and 26th) All have gone well physically. The doctors are happy with the progress. Here are some pictures are the implements they use to fill me.


The blue contraption is what they are able to find the magnetic center of the port with. They make an X on the center, cover the whole area with betadine. Inject the area with numbing medicine then inject it with the larger needle that is attached to the tubing and syringe. The syringe sucks up the sterile saline and pushes it into the expander. The last one we did they put 100cc into the expander per side. This whole process takes about 30 min. Fascinating I'm sure.

Due to Chemo and the lowered white cell count I will now have to gage my expansions on the up time in relation to Chemo. So instead of 1X a week it will be (if all goes smoothly) 1x every 3 weeks.

Oncology

This consultation at the Oncologist, Dave Campbell, we learned about which medicines and chemo drugs I would be receiving, duration, side effects and estimated cost. We also discussed briefly what things we will need to decide on down the road. It was a long visit, 11:45-1pm, then back from 1:40-4:10pm. I will be having chemo once every 3 wks for 6 treatments. The chemo drugs are Carboplatin and Taxotere. The Herceptin (a medicine, not chemo) once a week for 15 wks, then once every three weeks for a total duration of 1 year. They are both done intravenous. The chemo visits are about 3hrs long and the Herceptin about 30min. I also need to take 2 Tylenol, 2 Benadryl, a course of Emend, and a course of Decadron, at each time of chemo. I will loose my hair 2 weeks after starting chemo. My first chemo date is Nov. 30th. The side effects are numerous, so in preparation they do some base line checks on you (blood tests and an Echocardiogram). Then they inform you of the cost of all this. (with insurance)

Needless to say I was discouraged. I needed some time to processes this. After some crying Neal suggested we watch a funny movie to lighten up the mood. Oddly enough the movie reminded me that I was not relying on God for all these concerns. He is bigger than my problems. The next morning I spent some time in prayer and quiet time. This is the scripture He gave me to hold onto: Jeremiah 17:7-8

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord

and whose hope is the Lord.

For he will be like a tree planted by the water,

that extends its roots by a stream

and will not fear when the heat comes;

but its leaves will be green

and it will not be anxious in the year of drought

nor cease to yield fruit

~

Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness, Your majesty, honor, glory, and power. You hold the oceans in the palm of Your hand and yet You are mindful of each one of us. Thank You that You love me and are so present each step of the way. Lord my hope is You. Pour out Your faith on me and allow me to yield fruit.

A fill...but no lube job

Well we (a friend rearranged her day to drive me) couldn't have had better weather. It was gorgeous. Every other trip to UCSF some fog or rain has set in by the bay. This time it was just lovely. There wasn't any traffic going in. We found a parking space (feed the meter) fairly close, which would be great cause we were only going to be there about 1 hr or at the most 90 min. My appointment was at 12:45 we arrived at 12:30. Much to my chagrin the doctors were running LATE!! So I wasn't called into the exam room till 3:05. The explanation is that he was called into 2 O.R. situations. I felt awful for my friend. She of course was very gracious and flexible about the whole thing, which did relieve some of my guilt. (as if I could change things)

The actual visit with the doctor was good. He said the skin looked great and was pleased with things. He needed to palpate the area to find where the Expander had adjusted to. On the Expander he had to find the center of the port with a magnet. Mark it with an X and then inject Lidocane (sp?) in the area. "Can you feel this?" Followed by injecting a larger needle attached to a long tube and a fat syringe....Filler Up?! We cracked quite a few jokes and had some laughs and when he was done they give you a hug. Isn't that nice?! They only fill a small portion with sterile saline and then will watch to see how the skin reacts. This was not painful, I wasn't sure what to expect.

The next fill is on Monday the 19th at a different location (same doctor) so as to avoid the long wait time. This other facility doesn't have a hospital attached and only is open in the mornings. If the skin reacts well then they will feel confident to fill with a larger amount. I was out of the exam room by 3:35 pm. Then we were stuck in traffic, so I felt we deserved to stop for a good dinner. I was grateful for the ride. I was really not ready to drive that far yet and was quite in pain by the end of the day.

Gift Ideas

I was trying to think of things I could possibly do for Christmas gifts. Even though I know everyone will not be expecting anything from us this year, I was still looking for ideas, when I came across this beautiful item. (no I'm not doing this)

Boy if only I were talented enough to do this.

Maybe just a nice card this year.?.

This is one Cameron did last year for me. (isn't it cute)

Calms my storm

This is a great song that describes how I feel often:

~

Sometimes He Calms the Storm

~

All who sail the sea of faith

Find out before too long

How quickly blue skies can grow dark

And gentle winds grow strong

Suddenly fear is like white water

Pounding on the soul

Still we sail on knowing

That our Lord is in control

~

Chorus

~

Sometimes He calms the storm

with a whispered "Peace be still"

He can settle any sea

but it doesn't mean He will

Sometimes He holds us close

and lets the wind and waves go wild

Sometimes He calms the storm

and other times He calms His child

~

He has a reason for each trial

that we pass through in life

and though we're shaken

We cannot be pulled apart from Christ

No matter how the driving rain beats down

on those who hold to faith

a heart of trust will always

be a quiet peaceful place

~

song lyrics written by Tony Wood and Kevin Stokes

performed by Scott Krippayne.

~

So often I'm the child He is holding close. Thank you Lord!!!

Post-Op

Did you know that every muscle in your body will try to stabilize you when you are riding in a car? Not a big deal when you feel fine. Although when a body is sore....this is a difficult task. The Plastic surgeon was called into surgery so he was not able to see me. So the Surgeon checked everything, and removed my drains. She is very easy to communicate with. They pulled, ripped, yanked the clear duct tape off off my skin. Then they asked if I wanted two smaller pains or 1 large one. I chose the 1 larger pain. The surgeon and the intern on either side of me, with Neal by my head squeezing my hand, pulled the drains out on a count of 1...2...Ouch!! She was pleased with the work. She stated that all looked perfect (scars, skin tone, skin color, bruising) The starry strips are still on there till they fall off on their own. She would like to see my range of motion continue to improve with a physical therapist to start in about 2 weeks. She thought maybe I could use some more pain medication to work on breaking the scar tissue up. Altogether she liked what she saw of my range of motion.

Next week I'm to go to UCSF to be filled on Wednesday (part of reconstruction) and then on Thursday meet with the Oncologist here locally to discuss what med.s and course of treatment. Which I'm told should start the end of Nov or beginning of Dec.. I'm to start some specific exercises to work on breaking up those scar tissue and range of motion. But not too much or the drains will swell and set me back a few days. (so only light driving and still no lifting over 10lbs and NO vacuuming) Then meet with Physical therapist after Thanksgiving.

This was a painful visit and I probably should have taken a Vicodin in preparation. OK my take on it....It looks and feels like they smashed 2 gallon size milk jugs and put those under my skin and then vacuum sealed the skin over it. (I didn't cry) The skin itself doesn't really have any feeling (numb) other than pressure, and sense of temperature. That, I'm told, may or may not come back from within a year to a few years.... Most of the scars I cannot see till the starry strips fall off. The surgeon did repeat that this is not how it will look when it is done. There is still so much more to be done...

We had a few more laughs before Neal and I headed home. The traffic was bumper to bumper and I was not feeling well from the pain. So my wonderful hubby stopped off and took me to eat at The Elephant Bar. Being out of the car, having hot tea, eating a wonderful meal and laughing with my hubby heals what ails me. It was just what I needed to handle the rest of the ride home.

Ramblings

Recently I have been dealing with some emotions. I am not one to process my emotions on a blog. Albeit, to be real on this, I thought I should comment on them.

This is not an easy road. I have lost some things (not just breasts) and they require some grieving. I have these nagging emotions of loss and of sadness over things yet to come. At the same time I struggle with guilt that I even have these emotions considering how truly blessed I am. I know of so many who are worse off or who don't have the amazing support I have. I fear I am rambling. (maybe it's all hormones)

God did create us with emotions and therefore knows the struggle of them. He Himself wept over the loss of a dear friend. I know that the Lord will use this to help me grow into his likeness. Just like a vine dresser prunes the vines to make a larger crop. I have some pruning to be more fruitful in my walk. When it all comes down to it I know that I have my Lord. He has made His presence known all along the way and loves me with such gentleness as only He can. In that... My ultimate desire is to be used by the Lord in all of this for His glory.

for I am confident of this very thing. that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil. 1:6

~~~~~~~~~~

This Thursday I go back to UCSF to see the Doctors. They will remove the drains and bandages. Possibly fill a little in the expander depending on how everything looks. God is so good...You know how hard it is to get 3 doctors schedules to coincide, especially when they don't even have the same clinic days. Miraculously the plastic surgeon had a procedure cancellation on that day so he will be there and available on the same day and time frame the other 2 doctors are. WOW!!

Please keep me in your prayers as I am slightly nervous about seeing the scars.

Praise the Lord

Nov. 1st and I was supposed to go to the Doctor's in San Fran. but earlier this week I contacted them in regards to this meeting and that my drains were not ready to come out. The drains are supposed to be at 25 cc total for each day per drain, for 2 days straight. (you drain them 2x per day) Mine are at 25 cc per drain each time I drain. They agreed that I would only need to come out when it was time to take out the drains.

The surgeon, Shelley Hwang, called today. She had really great news. She stated that the pathology was in. She would have sworn that my tumor and the MRI showed also was 5 cm. BUT the pathology came back it was only 3.1 cm and there was another one .7 cm. There was nothing in the left breast at all (as expected). Now the Lymph's only the 3 mm spot and a 1 mm speck in the 2 Lymph's that she originally biopsied.....SO.... NO MORE IN THE LYMPH'S !!! Praise the Lord!!! She stated that I was staged at a 3 and she thinks I can be down staged to a 2. YEAH!!! I said so we got it all and she stated that she hesitates to say that because it is cancer. But she feels with pretty certainty that we did... GET IT ALL!! Thank you all for your prayers I believe they carried me. The Lord's gracious hand was upon me all along this journey so far. I really felt God's provision of peace through this.

Little ways the Lord lets me know He is here:
-Scripture he lays on my mind and heart of His love and care
-care from friends...just when I need that verse or to hear their heart
-I had no anxiety with the anesthesia (it was instant)
-no anxiety waking from the anesthesia, God put a clock right in my view for me to know how much time was passing (I'm a bit of a clock watcher)
-being able to get off the narcotics so quickly
-Kurt being home, to take the dog to the vet for staples (emergency the day after I arrived home from the hospital)

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

My heart trusts in Him and I am helped;

Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him.

PS. 28:7

Foolishness

Well my Mother had to go home on Tuesday. I thought how am I going to manage, but on the other hand I thought this will be a good opportunity for me to get up and start going. So Tuesday went just lovely. A visitor came and brought some cheer. I felt very pampered.

SO Wednesday comes and I look at the exercises they want me to be doing and I was feeling full of energy and sick of my dirty floor.... I thought I would combine my frustration and my exercises into vacuuming. No, I wasn't going to do any of the hard stuff (I have a Rainbow system) I would only push the vacuum....WELL LET ME TELL YOU women of the home, we all use way more muscles than the exercise gurus would like us to think. I was exhausted after only a area rug and a hall rug....YES!! I payed for it all the rest of the day and all the next day too. Yes! I have learned my lesson.

The kids enjoyed the Fall Festival at church. Thank you to those who made that happen with costumes and rides. They were overjoyed.

Blogging Oct. 29th

I'm on the computer again! The recovery hasn't gone as quickly as I would like. I would like to be back to my old self again. I'm just whining! It has been really good that my mom was here to take care of us. She has been such a wonderful help. I didn't have to think about anything. Laundry, cleaning the house, food, dishes, kids and etc... She also was very attentive to all my needs. I don't know how I'm going to handle the house without her. But it will also help get me into the groove. I appreciate every one's encouragement (cards, emails, phone calls, food, flowers and even a banner) I'm am so spoiled.

I have been off the Vicadin for about 2 days now. The drains are not ready to come out but are showing signs of slowing. The pain is better, it is more of a tightness (mostly). There are definite movements I can not do. I am doing exercises to improve my mobility. I can raise my right arm to the top of my head (carefully) WOOHOO! the left arm is doing slightly better. Moving the arms across my body is more difficult. When I laughed for the first time, that was a bit surprising amount of pain. It isn't painful any more.

The kids are handling me with great care. They are getting school work done, their chores and tolerating each other with good spirits. I am very proud of them. Neal is holding together pretty well as long as he gets a good night sleep.

I am supposed to go to the Doctors' on Thursday. I'm going to email her and ask if it is possible to postpone the appointment till the drains are ready to come out. They may have some pathology results by then though so we shall see.

Neal's Oct. 24 comments

I'm just sitting here enjoying some "quiet" time with Yvette. There are tubes and dials everywhere. The nurses are all very nice. There is one male nurse that we had last night. His name is Miguel. Being the only male in the womens cancer area, I was wondering how he would do. He was very sensitive and attentive. We really liked him. All of the doctors and most of the nurses have been very attentive and answered questions without treating us as know-nothings.

Yvette's surgeon says she thinks Yvette can go home in the morning 10-25. She is still catheterized so that has to go. Also, she has to walk further than she has up until now.

Many of you have asked how am I doing. Honestly it various from encouraged to fearful depending on the news they give us. Discouraged that there was cancer in the lymphs but encouraged at the fast recovery Yvette is having. We hope for a more restful night than last night. I had to push to have her room changed. The original one was very noisy.

She can't wait to get home to her family and friends. Thanks to all of you who care so much and are making sacrifices in your own way. Your rewards are in heaven. Some are here on earth too.

Day of Surgery

Today was Surgery Day.....

(Note: Yvette's friends are posting updates until Yvette/Neal are home and able to have the strength to comment themselves. Thank you for your continued support of our dear friend!!)

Yvette went in around 10:30 a.m. followed with surgery at 1:00 p.m. While in surgery the doctor found more cancer than expected and that is what is taking longer.

Yvette's mom, Yvonne, did say that so far things have gone well (Praise God).

They expect Yvette to stay in the hospital in San Francisco another day (probably till Thursday), and they will be able to know more tomorrow.

Because of the extensive surgery done today, this will make her recovery a little longer and harder so please pray for her in that way.

Please leave comments, prayers & scriptures on this site as they are all very encouraging to Yvette and Family.

7th Birthday party

Cameron's 7th Birthday. Dinosaur was the theme. I made the cake. It was chocolate cake with Berry Rainbow Sherbet on top, all covered with frosting. It's supposed to look like a volcano with a river, land and dinosaurs. The picture isn't as clear as I had hoped.


Really it all started the night before at our co-op Lego Extravaganza. Cameron ended up winning 1st in his age group and also The Peoples Choice award. His entry was a mining theme with cotton as water or dust effects. We are very proud of his work.

He had a great party full of fun; Pinata, games, cake and presents. I can't believe my little boy is 7 now. He has grown so much this past year not just physically but mostly in his character.

UCSF Pre-op

Friday the 19th I needed to go to UCSF to meet with the pre-op nurse, the Anesthesiologist, and do some lab work. Neal was not able to go with me on such short notice. I was blessed by friends, one to go with me and one to watch my children and clean my house. These blessings knocked my socks off. They can never know how much this relieved the anxiety within me. Thank You.

At UCSF I was able to touch an expander as an example of one that would be inside of me and an example of an implant. This would help alleviate wondering what certain sensations might be. I was shown the drain that would be attached to me for about 2 wks. I will have 2, one on each side. You have to pin them to your clothing or use a kind of lanyard to hold them when bathing. You have to measure out the amount of secretion 2x a day. ...Sorry!...as my daughter would say "T.M.I." (too much information)

Then I went to the hospital side and had about 4-5 viles of blood taken, an EKG, and chest ex ray's. After that I meet with the Anesthesiologist. He explained what would take place and talked about my medical history. He also answered any questions I had.

I'm scheduled to go in on Tuesday at 10:30am to have the radioactive die injected into the tumor so that during surgery they can follow the die to the node that the tumor feeds into. Then the surgery is at 1pm. It is about 5-6 hr long surgery. Then a couple hours to come out of the anesthesia. I get to stay overnight. So I will be heading home on Wednesday.


Specific prayers are:
That the cancer has not spread.
Clarity for the doctors
No allergic reactions to any of the medicines and/or foreign objects in my body
protection on my family
And of course mostly how the Lord lead you.

'Praise You in this Storm'

This is a song by Casting Crowns

Praise You in this Storm:
I was sure by now / That You would have reached down / And wiped our tears away / Stepped in and saved the day / But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls / I barely hear You whisper through the rain / "I'm with you" / And as Your mercy fall / I raise my hands and praise the God who gives / And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm / And I will lift my hands / For You are who You are / No matter where I am / Every tear I've cried / You hold in Your hand / You never left my side / And though my heart is torn / I will praise You in this storm

I remember when / I stumbled in the wind / You heard my cry / You raised me up again / My strength is almost gone / How can I carry on / If I can't find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills / Where does my help come from? / My help comes from the Lord / The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

That is taken from these scriptures; Rom. 8:28, 2 Cor. 4:16-18, Ps. 42:5, Ps. 121:1-2, Job 1:20-21, Daniel 3:16-18

Here is the YouTube site to listen: www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw

While you are on that site watch the 'Who AM I' video by Casting Crowns too. It's awesome!!
(they're white gloves)

Sugery is a Go

These are the Wednesdays we all look forward to. It is co-op day. I really felt the concern and subsequent prayers of so many. It was a wonderful presence to be in.

When we arrived home there was a message from the Dr's staff to confirm the 23rd at 2pm. I called her back schedule the rest of the process. So now I have to be in San Francisco on Fri. at 12:30 - 3:30 to do pre-op with the nurse and then do pre-registration at the hospital.

Thank you Lord!!!

I must admit...the surgery is real, now.

I'm also saddened that I won't have Friday with my son to prepare for his birthday and to do the Lego Extravaganza with him. I don't want to take away from his day or time in any way if possible. I am thankful for the confirmation and progress of surgery. I'm just coming face to face with my own limitations and it is hard to let go of some of my own expectations (of me). or maybe, I just don't want to let go of the picture in my head that I want for him.

Thank you for you prayers and please continue.

frustrated

Tuesday Oct. 16th. I woke up feeling like all my planning was for what?? I was frustrated. Now on top of all the learning and emotion of all this now you also have to be your own advocate against the doctors office staff run around and I hear also the insurance. It can be quite exhausting and overwhelming.

At the advice of a friend I composed an email to the surgeon about our cooperation, her staff's mishaps over time, and closed with a note of urgency and confidence in their abilities. Then, I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't do this to begin with, I prayed.

I received a call from the Dr's staff late in the day, 4:20pm, to say they had spent the whole morning working out a way to make the 23rd date work. They think it might, but they will call me in the morning to confirm. Later I checked my email and their was a reply from the Dr. at 3:48pm stating they had my surgery scheduled for the 23rd at 1pm, and to please let her know if her staff had not called to confirm by tomorrow. Confusing!!!

I grieve over the lost time and energy having to deal with this. But this too is part of the process. I had to let go of MY plans... and say OK it is now up to you Lord if this is your timing it will come together.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Ps. 27:14

Unsettling

Monday... the infamous meeting with the Plastic Surgeon. We were a little tight on time due to traffic getting there, but we made it with 15 min to spare. Yea Neal!! We fill out our paperwork and pay our 2 co-pays to see the surgeon and plastic surgeon. We are ushered in to our room to wait for whichever doctor is available first to come in and see us. About 30 min or so the Plastic surgeon, Dr Foster, comes in and we had an informative discussion about sizes, procedures, complications and etc...
He leaves and we wait for Dr Hwang. About 20 min or so later some helper comes in and states that Dr Hwang is not in the office today. She is at a conference out of town. We ask to speak to her assistant. To make a long story short. She had called us at our home # to inform us of this but only an hour before our scheduled time (it takes us 3 hours to get there). She did have our cell #. She apparently did not have us scheduled for surgery on the 23rd (or any other date for that matter). She asked us if the 6th of Nov. would be OK. We were frustrated and confused. We explained our previous conversation and our dilemma with the changing the scheduled time. She said she would see what she could do. They would call us tomorrow to let us know.
Needless to say the car ride home was quiet. We hit traffic so decided that maybe dinner would help cheer things up while also waiting out the bumper to bumper traffic. We stopped off at a well known restaurant. The waiter had the personality of a wet paper towel. He didn't speak (occasionally mumbled or nothing). My food was over cooked and Neal's fish was cold. This was not what we needed. Not a very settling evening.

Swim Meet

This is our favorite swimmer. We are so proud of her accomplishment this weekend. She bested a few of her times and overcame some fears to face this meet with her head held high. The meet was out of town and we were hosted by some dear friends for the overnight stay. It was great to visit and be pampered with great food and company. Our little man was so bored the entire meet but managed to keep himself somewhat entertained. He didn't complain till the very end. It's wonderful to see signs of maturing.



I'm beginning to feel the crunch of time. It's only a week away till my surgery. I'm very thankful for each of these weekends to be able to focus on each of the kids individually. Next weekend is Cam.'s B-day. I have been having lots of strange dreams about surgery and hospitals.

Please pray that the cancer has not moved into my lymph's, and every aspect of the surgery. I do feel the sustaining prayers of all of you. Thank you!!

Bishops

We had a great week. Tuesday we went to Bishops Pumpkin Farm in Wheatland with our co-op group. Train ride, corn maze, mountain slide, apple cider, hayride, pick your pumpkin from the vine, a chicken show with a pig race, snack booths, and lots of fun climbing areas. It is a tradition every year to bring in the fall.

1st decision

We have chosen to do a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.
We meet with the Plastic surgeon at UCSF on Oct.15th (with a list of questions in hand)
If all goes as planned the Mastectomy will be on Oct. 23rd. at UCSF.

The Lord has had mercy on me again. Having it on the 23rd instead of sooner. I was able to arrange some things: set up this blog (with the help of friends), schedule my mom to fly out for the week of the surgery, rearrange school plans, have 24hrs alone with Neal, have Aurora's swim meet, and have Cameron's B-day. (just to name a few).

Thank you all for your support and constant care of our family through calls, emails, cards, hugs, prayers and the physical needs. Please keep us in your prayers. As we know our needs we will update the link I have posted on this blog. I hope this is easy for everyone.

Steep learning curve

Now it was time to meet with a surgeon, oncologist, radiation oncologist, MRI, and 2nd opinion surgeon. Read pathology reports as they trickled in, research all the western medical info and process that but also research alternative treatments and process that. Counsel with numerous people; those who have gone or are going through this, doctors, naturopathies, and people we trust. All this in just about 2 weeks.

The MRI reveals a possibility of 3 more tumors, Hormone receptors are positive, and then the positive HER-2 gene.

Lets play I-Spy again...
* In all this commotion, I called my sister (Michelle) to see if she could not only come up here but take 2 days off work with 2 days notice. She did!!! I needed her to accompany me to UCSF for a second opinion. Neal needed to guard his days for future appts. It was exactly what I needed and wanted. Marni poured out such care on my children they thought they were on vacation. Michelle was so helpful; reassuring me, informed questions at the appt., and emotional support. Not getting upset when we got lost, for an hour.
* It was God's mercy that allowed the info to trickle in every few days. So I could absorb it.
* In praying for clarity...He said "wait on the Lord and be patient" He did reveal to me a clear answer which in return brought peace.
* Neal and I prayed separately and felt the same answer.

I guess in the beginning I thought "this is not going to affect my life" (drastically). I would have a lumpectomy and some radiation. Then as the info crept in. This all began to seep out of my box I had put it in. Still sustained by prayers I started to face and absorb the truth. It still sometimes seems surreal (probably till surgery).

Here are some scriptures my God has encouraged me with:
Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear;
though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident. Ps 27:3
the host and the war are my cancer.
In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? Ps. 56:4

deliberate silence

We chose to hold the news of the diagnosis till we told the kids. The weekend of the Sept. 14th- 16th my Father was coming to visit and we didn't want the visit to have a dark cloud or have the focus change. Sunday after church we told the kids and then my Father.

Cameron told us he was going to tell his best friend. We said "You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to." He said "My friend prayed for my cold and now I don't have it. See prayer works"

Aurora stated later it was as if I had slapped her. It took awhile for it to sink in (a few days), and then the questions began.

This will be hard for my father and many others to not be able to control or fix this. He's heart is to be very supportive.

We then told our extended family and Co-op leader. A mass email went out "Request for Prayer"

I felt the prayers were sustaining me because Neal hurt his back Sunday eve. and was unable to move. So Monday morn. we went onto Yuba docs. He had strained and tweaked some muscle out of place. (IN PAIN)

A game we play

We often don't see the hand of God because we are not looking for it. Therfore I-Spy-God is something discussed at our house to remind us.

I warn you it is always clearest in hind sight.

Here are some examples leading up to this journey:
* I felt the Lord's prompting to not teach a class at our co-op this semester. This was very hard for me to follow, but I did.
*I had a leading to prepare dinners in the freezer, thinking I was being organized for the new school year, not realizing we would need these for tougher times.
* The pain I mentioned in my earlier post
* I had a sense of what I was getting into before I went to the doctor.
* Neal meeting me at the general practitioners office.
* Neighbor to watch my children on 9/10 from 8am -2:30pm
* the scripture the Lord gave me the Sunday before (Eph. 3:16,20)

9/11 has new meaning!

On September 10th I went in for a mammogram because I had felt a lump in my right breast. This had been sore for some months now. They did a Mammo and magnified images, then I went into have an ultrasound done. The radiologist came in and did a more thorough exam with the ultrasound. This resulted in a recommendation to do a Core Biopsy, because things looked suspicious. He took 4 samples for the pathologist to have a more precise diagnosis and for further testing. We would get the results within 48-72 hours. My family practioner called within 24hrs on September 11th. I have Moderately Differentiating Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma, grade 2/3. In other words I have invasive breast cancer.

You are not suppose to have pain with cancer. So I attribute the fact that I did have pain to my God whom I know will walk with me every step of this journey. I believe we have caught this early.

I pray that from His Glorious, unlimited resources He will give Yvette mighty inner strength through His Holy Spirit...Now glory be to God. By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. Eph. 3:16,20 NLT