Oncology

This consultation at the Oncologist, Dave Campbell, we learned about which medicines and chemo drugs I would be receiving, duration, side effects and estimated cost. We also discussed briefly what things we will need to decide on down the road. It was a long visit, 11:45-1pm, then back from 1:40-4:10pm. I will be having chemo once every 3 wks for 6 treatments. The chemo drugs are Carboplatin and Taxotere. The Herceptin (a medicine, not chemo) once a week for 15 wks, then once every three weeks for a total duration of 1 year. They are both done intravenous. The chemo visits are about 3hrs long and the Herceptin about 30min. I also need to take 2 Tylenol, 2 Benadryl, a course of Emend, and a course of Decadron, at each time of chemo. I will loose my hair 2 weeks after starting chemo. My first chemo date is Nov. 30th. The side effects are numerous, so in preparation they do some base line checks on you (blood tests and an Echocardiogram). Then they inform you of the cost of all this. (with insurance)

Needless to say I was discouraged. I needed some time to processes this. After some crying Neal suggested we watch a funny movie to lighten up the mood. Oddly enough the movie reminded me that I was not relying on God for all these concerns. He is bigger than my problems. The next morning I spent some time in prayer and quiet time. This is the scripture He gave me to hold onto: Jeremiah 17:7-8

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord

and whose hope is the Lord.

For he will be like a tree planted by the water,

that extends its roots by a stream

and will not fear when the heat comes;

but its leaves will be green

and it will not be anxious in the year of drought

nor cease to yield fruit

~

Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness, Your majesty, honor, glory, and power. You hold the oceans in the palm of Your hand and yet You are mindful of each one of us. Thank You that You love me and are so present each step of the way. Lord my hope is You. Pour out Your faith on me and allow me to yield fruit.

A fill...but no lube job

Well we (a friend rearranged her day to drive me) couldn't have had better weather. It was gorgeous. Every other trip to UCSF some fog or rain has set in by the bay. This time it was just lovely. There wasn't any traffic going in. We found a parking space (feed the meter) fairly close, which would be great cause we were only going to be there about 1 hr or at the most 90 min. My appointment was at 12:45 we arrived at 12:30. Much to my chagrin the doctors were running LATE!! So I wasn't called into the exam room till 3:05. The explanation is that he was called into 2 O.R. situations. I felt awful for my friend. She of course was very gracious and flexible about the whole thing, which did relieve some of my guilt. (as if I could change things)

The actual visit with the doctor was good. He said the skin looked great and was pleased with things. He needed to palpate the area to find where the Expander had adjusted to. On the Expander he had to find the center of the port with a magnet. Mark it with an X and then inject Lidocane (sp?) in the area. "Can you feel this?" Followed by injecting a larger needle attached to a long tube and a fat syringe....Filler Up?! We cracked quite a few jokes and had some laughs and when he was done they give you a hug. Isn't that nice?! They only fill a small portion with sterile saline and then will watch to see how the skin reacts. This was not painful, I wasn't sure what to expect.

The next fill is on Monday the 19th at a different location (same doctor) so as to avoid the long wait time. This other facility doesn't have a hospital attached and only is open in the mornings. If the skin reacts well then they will feel confident to fill with a larger amount. I was out of the exam room by 3:35 pm. Then we were stuck in traffic, so I felt we deserved to stop for a good dinner. I was grateful for the ride. I was really not ready to drive that far yet and was quite in pain by the end of the day.

Gift Ideas

I was trying to think of things I could possibly do for Christmas gifts. Even though I know everyone will not be expecting anything from us this year, I was still looking for ideas, when I came across this beautiful item. (no I'm not doing this)

Boy if only I were talented enough to do this.

Maybe just a nice card this year.?.

This is one Cameron did last year for me. (isn't it cute)

Calms my storm

This is a great song that describes how I feel often:

~

Sometimes He Calms the Storm

~

All who sail the sea of faith

Find out before too long

How quickly blue skies can grow dark

And gentle winds grow strong

Suddenly fear is like white water

Pounding on the soul

Still we sail on knowing

That our Lord is in control

~

Chorus

~

Sometimes He calms the storm

with a whispered "Peace be still"

He can settle any sea

but it doesn't mean He will

Sometimes He holds us close

and lets the wind and waves go wild

Sometimes He calms the storm

and other times He calms His child

~

He has a reason for each trial

that we pass through in life

and though we're shaken

We cannot be pulled apart from Christ

No matter how the driving rain beats down

on those who hold to faith

a heart of trust will always

be a quiet peaceful place

~

song lyrics written by Tony Wood and Kevin Stokes

performed by Scott Krippayne.

~

So often I'm the child He is holding close. Thank you Lord!!!

Post-Op

Did you know that every muscle in your body will try to stabilize you when you are riding in a car? Not a big deal when you feel fine. Although when a body is sore....this is a difficult task. The Plastic surgeon was called into surgery so he was not able to see me. So the Surgeon checked everything, and removed my drains. She is very easy to communicate with. They pulled, ripped, yanked the clear duct tape off off my skin. Then they asked if I wanted two smaller pains or 1 large one. I chose the 1 larger pain. The surgeon and the intern on either side of me, with Neal by my head squeezing my hand, pulled the drains out on a count of 1...2...Ouch!! She was pleased with the work. She stated that all looked perfect (scars, skin tone, skin color, bruising) The starry strips are still on there till they fall off on their own. She would like to see my range of motion continue to improve with a physical therapist to start in about 2 weeks. She thought maybe I could use some more pain medication to work on breaking the scar tissue up. Altogether she liked what she saw of my range of motion.

Next week I'm to go to UCSF to be filled on Wednesday (part of reconstruction) and then on Thursday meet with the Oncologist here locally to discuss what med.s and course of treatment. Which I'm told should start the end of Nov or beginning of Dec.. I'm to start some specific exercises to work on breaking up those scar tissue and range of motion. But not too much or the drains will swell and set me back a few days. (so only light driving and still no lifting over 10lbs and NO vacuuming) Then meet with Physical therapist after Thanksgiving.

This was a painful visit and I probably should have taken a Vicodin in preparation. OK my take on it....It looks and feels like they smashed 2 gallon size milk jugs and put those under my skin and then vacuum sealed the skin over it. (I didn't cry) The skin itself doesn't really have any feeling (numb) other than pressure, and sense of temperature. That, I'm told, may or may not come back from within a year to a few years.... Most of the scars I cannot see till the starry strips fall off. The surgeon did repeat that this is not how it will look when it is done. There is still so much more to be done...

We had a few more laughs before Neal and I headed home. The traffic was bumper to bumper and I was not feeling well from the pain. So my wonderful hubby stopped off and took me to eat at The Elephant Bar. Being out of the car, having hot tea, eating a wonderful meal and laughing with my hubby heals what ails me. It was just what I needed to handle the rest of the ride home.

Ramblings

Recently I have been dealing with some emotions. I am not one to process my emotions on a blog. Albeit, to be real on this, I thought I should comment on them.

This is not an easy road. I have lost some things (not just breasts) and they require some grieving. I have these nagging emotions of loss and of sadness over things yet to come. At the same time I struggle with guilt that I even have these emotions considering how truly blessed I am. I know of so many who are worse off or who don't have the amazing support I have. I fear I am rambling. (maybe it's all hormones)

God did create us with emotions and therefore knows the struggle of them. He Himself wept over the loss of a dear friend. I know that the Lord will use this to help me grow into his likeness. Just like a vine dresser prunes the vines to make a larger crop. I have some pruning to be more fruitful in my walk. When it all comes down to it I know that I have my Lord. He has made His presence known all along the way and loves me with such gentleness as only He can. In that... My ultimate desire is to be used by the Lord in all of this for His glory.

for I am confident of this very thing. that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil. 1:6

~~~~~~~~~~

This Thursday I go back to UCSF to see the Doctors. They will remove the drains and bandages. Possibly fill a little in the expander depending on how everything looks. God is so good...You know how hard it is to get 3 doctors schedules to coincide, especially when they don't even have the same clinic days. Miraculously the plastic surgeon had a procedure cancellation on that day so he will be there and available on the same day and time frame the other 2 doctors are. WOW!!

Please keep me in your prayers as I am slightly nervous about seeing the scars.

Praise the Lord

Nov. 1st and I was supposed to go to the Doctor's in San Fran. but earlier this week I contacted them in regards to this meeting and that my drains were not ready to come out. The drains are supposed to be at 25 cc total for each day per drain, for 2 days straight. (you drain them 2x per day) Mine are at 25 cc per drain each time I drain. They agreed that I would only need to come out when it was time to take out the drains.

The surgeon, Shelley Hwang, called today. She had really great news. She stated that the pathology was in. She would have sworn that my tumor and the MRI showed also was 5 cm. BUT the pathology came back it was only 3.1 cm and there was another one .7 cm. There was nothing in the left breast at all (as expected). Now the Lymph's only the 3 mm spot and a 1 mm speck in the 2 Lymph's that she originally biopsied.....SO.... NO MORE IN THE LYMPH'S !!! Praise the Lord!!! She stated that I was staged at a 3 and she thinks I can be down staged to a 2. YEAH!!! I said so we got it all and she stated that she hesitates to say that because it is cancer. But she feels with pretty certainty that we did... GET IT ALL!! Thank you all for your prayers I believe they carried me. The Lord's gracious hand was upon me all along this journey so far. I really felt God's provision of peace through this.

Little ways the Lord lets me know He is here:
-Scripture he lays on my mind and heart of His love and care
-care from friends...just when I need that verse or to hear their heart
-I had no anxiety with the anesthesia (it was instant)
-no anxiety waking from the anesthesia, God put a clock right in my view for me to know how much time was passing (I'm a bit of a clock watcher)
-being able to get off the narcotics so quickly
-Kurt being home, to take the dog to the vet for staples (emergency the day after I arrived home from the hospital)

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

My heart trusts in Him and I am helped;

Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him.

PS. 28:7

Foolishness

Well my Mother had to go home on Tuesday. I thought how am I going to manage, but on the other hand I thought this will be a good opportunity for me to get up and start going. So Tuesday went just lovely. A visitor came and brought some cheer. I felt very pampered.

SO Wednesday comes and I look at the exercises they want me to be doing and I was feeling full of energy and sick of my dirty floor.... I thought I would combine my frustration and my exercises into vacuuming. No, I wasn't going to do any of the hard stuff (I have a Rainbow system) I would only push the vacuum....WELL LET ME TELL YOU women of the home, we all use way more muscles than the exercise gurus would like us to think. I was exhausted after only a area rug and a hall rug....YES!! I payed for it all the rest of the day and all the next day too. Yes! I have learned my lesson.

The kids enjoyed the Fall Festival at church. Thank you to those who made that happen with costumes and rides. They were overjoyed.